I'm Having a Social Networking Crisis!

This whole thing has kind of crept up on me. It started out as a distant rumble and ultimately turned into a major seismic event. I ignored Twitter and Facebook and Plaxo (remember them?) as long as I could but, then, the overwhelming peer pressure to play the game made me get my head out of the sand.

I approached it very cautiously. I couldn’t understand why someone would feel compelled to tell everyone that he went to the grocery store or picked up the kids from a soccer game. And, what such trivia had to do with anything related to business. It was no longer possible to catch up with someone only once a year at an annual event (which satisfied me just fine). Now I was forced to be aware of what people I barely knew were doing all year long. Too much information.

But, who am I to buck the trend? I joined Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter and Tumblr and immediately began to build my network. This is where my crisis began.

Each of them has a similar way of “friending” someone. They give you a choice between “colleague” and “friend” (except Facebook which uses more of a social model, hence everyone is considered a “friend”) and there’s the dilemma.

When I ask someone to join my network I have to decide how to classify him. I’m always afraid that I will insult someone by picking the wrong option. What if, for example, I want to invite a close business acquaintance? Do I pick colleague or friend? If I’ve known him for years I think of him as a friend but I’ve never seen him socially so I guess he’s a colleague. But, what will he think if I call him a colleague and he thinks of me as a friend? It’s happened to me on the receiving end, where someone called me a colleague and I was slightly taken aback because I thought we were closer than that.

I’ve actually had someone accept my invitation and change the classification from colleague to friend (which I considered a promotion). I dread the day when someone changes me from friend to colleague. The demotion would be devastating.

I’ve decided we need a better classification system. More friending options than we currently have. Here are some suggestions:

BUSINESS FRIEND (NON-BUSINESS) – Some of my best friends over the years have been through business. I value them as much as I do my social friends and they’d be insulted if I fail to acknowledge them when I make this important decision. But don’t take advantage of my decision and start trying to sell me something.

BUSINESS FRIEND (BUSINESS) – Okay if you try to sell me something occasionally. This classification can easily drop to COLLEAGUE I DO BUSINESS WITH if I get a sales call more than once a year.

BUSINESS FRIEND (WITH BENEFITS) – Someone I know through business who has tickets to things or a boat.

BUSINESS FRIEND (PROBATIONARY) – Someone who was previously a colleague but is moving up to business friend because he sent me a referral. If I get another he’ll shed the probationary label. Also used if he’s buying a boat or condo at the lake.
COLLEAGUE – Someone I met once at Business After Hours. I don’t remember what he looks like but I have his business card.

COLLEAGUE EVERYONE WANTS – Someone who I don’t know very well but who looks impressive to others.

COLLEAGUE WHO CALLS ME WHEN HE NEEDS SOMETHING – Someone who’s my best buddy when he wants me to raise bail money to get out of some silly jail fund raiser.

COLLEAGUE I WANT TO LINK TO JUST TO PACK MY NETWORK – Someone I invite to join me because it’s embarrassing to have too few people on my contact list.

COLLEAGUE I DON’T CARE FOR – This is a great way to know where people you don’t like are going to be so you can avoid them.

I think that our culture would benefit from much better understanding between social networking buddies. It creates honesty where today we have deceit.

Ashton Kutcher eat your heart out.